A note to my introvert self
You would think that having achieved the unachievable in life, well at least unachievable by many people’s opinions or things someone someday said that you could never do, or even things you told yourself when you were struggling, would kind of you know make you feel accomplished? But why am I feeling like always? Like something is wrong with me still? Throwing a pity party while I should be celebrating? Why do we do this to ourselves? We do, don’t we? do all the damage on our own and just fool ourselves by saying it was someone else’s doing or saying.
I wonder what we can do to help ourselves in these situations. Where we still feel something is missing, there is more to accomplish, more to do, more to prove, more to be. Why would we feel that way when we have done everything possible to our limits and knowledge? Why would we feel that way when we have been as genuine as can be? Why would we feel that way when we care more and do more? Maybe it is because we do not appreciate ourselves enough nor give credence to the beauty of the being we inhibit in the race to be someone else or something else or prove a point, but again, to whom? This ever changing, ever moving world? You are never ever going to win that race. So, Stop.
Understand that you are a truly beautiful human being who cares deeply about everything around. You put your heart into everything you do. You are an introvert but you are not anti-social. You are not social with people who well, want to only be that to the exclusion of everyone in the group. You are not someone else. You are You, cannot be compared. EVER. So, it is about time you stopped the pity party you throw at times when you feel left out or don’t feel like you belong. It is better to understand this differently as well. Perhaps they do not fit you socially? It is a well established fact that we do not fit in with everyone on this planet. There will always be misfits. Most of us are. But many of us carry on ignoring the fact just so that its easier to get along with life and people around. Standing up for yourself is not really taught to you socially. Going along is taught. Not going away. That one, well it takes a bit of guts and soul searching. I’m not saying it is easy or you won’t ever doubt yourself when walking away. But it is better to walk away instead of endure something for the sake of it.
So, be proud of yourself, stand tall, treat yourself gently. Even if there is not a single person in the whole world who gets you, like ever, it is still ok. It is not your job to make them understand you. If you understood something from your time in this world, really, that is all that matters. Not whether others understood what you did. I doubt there is a single human being on the planet who could understand you, truly. Some genuine people can try, but even then it might be a reflection, not a true image. So, we are really in a pursuit of something that can never really materialize.
Only you can understand, appreciate, support and love yourself truly. That is the truth. Given that, stop trying to please people. Stop trying to bother with whether others get you or not and whether you matter to them or not? Because in all probability no one gives a s*** about you, exception your family and good friends, if you got any. The rest of the world, well, all that matters to them is just themselves. You could say that is a bitter way of looking at the world, but honestly, I have not really seen it any other way. Everyone is out there for themselves, trying to fit, merge, be accepted, influence, coerce.. all for what? I have never really understood it honestly, hence all the hefty writing today. Life is simple if we choose it to be. But most of us evolved it to be not so. And people who live by a simple set of values are often left feeling dumb as to what did they miss? But is it really that or just that we are looking for something different and we end up with people who are looking for something else? I wonder how the other parties feel when they are around me? If they feel anything like I do, then it is the biggest joke ever.
P.S: I’m writing this in a room away from home and doing something I have always dreamed of doing but never thought I could ever do, but also somehow wanting to run away and go hide in my bed, if that makes sense. But yes, I will wake up tomorrow and face whatever it is and try not to hide. Best I can do and you know what, that is superhero stuff!!! O_O Never really appreciated myself, did I now? Wow.